I recently attended an after-hours networking event hosted by Chad, a longtime friend. Over the past ten years, Chad has assembled a group of professionals who enjoy cigars. My kind of people! His networking events are held once a month at cigar friendly venues around the area. I believe I attended his kick-off event but haven’t been able to participate on a regular basis due to other conflicts. Most notably my monthly poker game. Chad’s strategy is to concentrate on building relationships first, with talk of business somewhat subdued. Business cards are exchanged by request only. I like his style. This is as it should be.
Chad’s most recent gathering was at a cigar friendly steakhouse in Buckhead. Chad had reserved a strategic location in the bar area near the live entertainment. It was a diverse group, including a few couples and two single women. There were IT folks, a few from the medical field, a realtor, a marketing director, and a lawyer and his wife. We were all about the same age and dressed in traditional business attire.
During the evening, I had other interesting conversations including one with the female marketing director. Let’s call her Carol. She arrived a little later than I and greeted the regulars before taking a seat next to me. She introduced herself and we struck up a conversation. Naturally, her first question was about my connection with Chad. I explained that we have known each other for many years and that I am on the group’s mailing list. I asked her the same question and went into full executive recruiter mode asking follow-up questions to keep the conversation alive. Carol was forthcoming, revealing her career interests and personal history, albeit just the basics. She told me that she feels very confident about her professional skills but mostly enjoys developing her coworkers. She admitted that she was frustrated that she doesn’t know how to leverage her strengths into a more significant role. She said she is passionate about giving back through various causes but hasn’t focused on one in particular. I asked if she had considered working with a career coach. Maybe her most interesting revelation was that she is an introvert, but she isn’t shy and that she’s intuitive. I confessed that I found that rather unique and agreed that she wasn’t shy. When she finished her story she asked for mine. At that point I was feeling a little mischievous. With a friendly smile, I said “since you told me you’re intuitive, why don’t you tell me about me?” She leaned back in her chair and looked me over. Then she said, and I quote, “I’ve got nothing.” I found that amusing. If our roles were reversed, I would’ve made up an interesting story, flattering her of course, to keep the conversation moving. Not missing a beat, I complied, and the conversation continued.
I revealed my background story, including the point that I work with coaches who could help her with her career aspirations. The conversation continued until other folks arrived and was redirected elsewhere. Carol is a delightful lady and I enjoyed our conversation. I must’ve admit however, I continue to be amused by her “I’ve got nothing” comment. It has become the punchline for our conversation. I’ve since told that story to other friends, both male and female. They found it amusing as well. Not because she didn’t regale me with flash of intuitive brilliance, but because she didn’t play along. Then again, I may have been the first to ask her to demonstrate her extra sensory skills. The rest of the evening was as enjoyable as my conversation with Carol, but our conversation was the highlight of the evening. Chad has developed a healthy culture within his group which
isn’t a surprise. ‘Good people’ attract other ‘good people’ and Chad is definitely ‘good people.’ I was very comfortable with his group and plan to attend future events.
At around nine p.m. I made a graceful exit, making a point to thank my host and say goodbye to everyone. As I was leaving, several guests asked for my business card and I received a few from others. I made a mental note to follow up with Carol as she could be a good client.
Professionally speaking, I had two takeaways from my conversation with Carol. The first was a minor thought that if one is talking about a personal skill, they should be prepared for questions about that skill, even in casual conversation. Be prepared to go with the flow. Of course, Carol could’ve been a bit risk-averse, although she didn’t take my suggestion as threatening.
The second and more important takeaway is that active listening is a powerful tool to make connections and build trust, the foundation of networking. One of my female colleagues reinforced that point yesterday. After a good laugh about my punchline she offered that people like to talk about themselves. The more you let them talk the greater their appreciation, which leads to rapport, the beginning of trust. Never underestimate the power of active listening!
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